Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

Old news via code_poet:

  • 12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
  • 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
  • 10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
  • 9. Indentation?! — I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
  • 8. What is this talk of ‘release’? Klingons do not make software ‘releases’. Our software ‘escapes’ leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
  • 7. Klingon function calls do not have ‘parameters’ — they have ‘arguments’ — and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
  • 6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
  • 5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.
  • 4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
  • 3. By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
  • 2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
  • 1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!

But that’s the mood I’m in….

Leave a Reply