Via craigslist.org: The Pillsbury Doughboy Died
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died
yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications
from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens
of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth,
the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies, and many others. The graveside was
piled high in flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima
delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who
“never knew how much he was kneaded”.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later
life was filled with many turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his
dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty
old man, he was a roll model to millions. Doughboy is
survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two
children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at
350 for about twenty minutes.