Stolen from Sinfest, notes from THER E S I S T A N C E : Election news:
- Slim Fast Veterans For Truth attack Whoopi Goldberg’s dietary record. “She never really drank any of that stuff,” says the group’s spokesperson. “She is unfit to lead fat people.”
- Dick Cheney insists on link between Al Qaeda and Kevin Bacon. Al Qaeda was trained by the CIA which was created by Harry Truman who dropped the bomb which was conceived by the Manhattan Project which was a movie starring John Lithgow who was in Footloose with Kevin Bacon.
- Face Lift Veterans For Truth attack Teresa Heinz Kerry’s cosmetic surgery record. “Sure she had Botox injections,” snarled spokesperson Michael Jackson. “But did she have full blown reconstructive facial surgery? I don’t think so.”
- George W. Bush unveils bold new “compassionate bombing” philosophy in his nomination speech. “I believe in compassionate air strikes, a compassionate war, compassionate torture with a good heart.“
- Martians invade Earth after receiving intelligence that Bush was plotting a Mission to Mars. Although they find no Weapons of Mars Destruction they insist we had the capacity to build them. Alien war profiteers reopen Alcatraz, rename it Abu Probe, proceed to “interrogate” humans.