“Yes, it can be measured in the laboratory. Shut up.
Yes, there is fossil evidence. Shut up.
No, no one claims we evolved from present-day apes. Shut up.
And yes, it’s just a theory. And so is that whole ‘the Earth orbits the Sun’ thing. Time out to look up the scientific definition of the word ‘theory,’ okay? Go on. I’ll wait here.
Got it? All done?
Good. Shut up.”